please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
