Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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