No more Irish car bombs ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
