Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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