So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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