Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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