Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
