More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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