My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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