you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
