That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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