drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
