I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
