i think i have herpe
just one?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
