is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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