She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
