I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
