I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
