Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
