dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
