I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
