then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
