I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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