My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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