Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
