Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
