I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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