I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
