Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
They took my balls.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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