Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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