i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
