I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize