True but thats because hes a fetus.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
