Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
