drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Are we still banned from the library?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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