i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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