So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
