It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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