Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
