I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
