Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
