I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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