he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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