Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
