I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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