i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
