I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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