Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
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So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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