Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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