So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize