ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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