so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
