My pussy is not your playground.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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