There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
