I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
