Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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