....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
