You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
