Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize