Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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