she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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