watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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