i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
