I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
