i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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